Internet Dating Scams

Dos and Don'ts of Dating (on or off-line).

Internet Dating Scams are all over TV today; we even have shows that capture online predators in the act to warn us. And it’s needless to say that although the Internet brings with it a whole new world of meeting someone that otherwise you would never meet, it brings with it the crazies, the illegal, the nut cases and the downright dangerous. This page is all about internet dating scams and the dangers online. To read more about the Pros and Cons of Online Dating, click here. While I don’t believe in inflicting a sense of paranoia into you, it is important to talk about the do’s and don’ts of internet dating because you will undoubtedly encounter someone of less-than-admirable character at one point or another. My entire presence as an online dating coach is to help you create a new kind of energy around you, so that you don’t attract those with lesser intentions and so you can avoid these internet dating scams. For you to create the good kind of energy within you and around you, so that you will automatically repel those that have an alternative agenda with you.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you spotted these people right from the get go by something they say, or didn’t say, when they first approached you online? To get that part of you opened up is my goal.

Meanwhile, whether you're going on a blind date with someone you just met online or someone your best friend is trying to hook you up with, here are some internet dating scams and guidelines to follow and be aware of to keep you safe.

Always guard your identity. Avoiding internet dating scams starts with never sharing your full name, personal phone numbers, your employer’s name, where you work and what your favourite hang out places are when you first meet someone online (the same goes for blind dates that are set up by your best friend).

Never post personal contact information in your profile. Even if the person you’re communicating with is ethical, the information could fall into the wrong hands, which is a big part when it comes to internet dating scams.

Remain anonymous for as long as you can and until you feel absolutely safe to give out a little bit of information at a time, as is absolutely necessary.

When your potential interested partner is asking for your phone number (after a few back-and-forth e-mails have been exchanged), do not give out your phone number. Give out a friend’s phone number (with their permission of course) or use the online dating service’s private line, which is being offered by more and more online dating services. You can also tell them that you want to call them and then hide your caller ID when you call, or call from a telephone booth instead. If not internet dating scams is in process, he won't have any problems giving you his number and will value your caution.

Snail Mail. If they ask to mail the photos, use a P.O. Box or alternative address, or better yet, don’t give it out at all. Part ultimate internet dating scams is having a predator finding you, so even by giving out your P.O. Box, he now knows a city or thereabouts where you live.

Beware of your Screen Name (also called Handle). Unfortunately another part of internet dating scams has to do with screen names. Do not use screen names that reeks of sex. Names like “LickUSilly” or “BendingOver4U” is hardly called wise and with such screen names you may be communicating that you have an alternative plan all together. Your name will undoubtedly attract like-minded people to your profile, so be careful.

Using your real Name. Most dating sites allow you to set up a screen name, also called “handle” on some sites. However, there are some sites that request you to enter your first name and that will be your screen name. I disagree with this technology and it is not safe at times to use your first name as your screen name. Instead think of a nick name.

When you make initial contact or reply to an e-mail, you may use the first letter of your first name to sign your e-mail. Instead of saying “Sincerely, Monica,” you may want to say “Sincerely, M.”

Use updated and current Photos. Did it ever occur to you that posting false and outdated pictures are not only misleading to the other party but can actually cause angry and resentful feelings? If you’ve been in communication with someone for several week or months even, and then you finally meet them only so they can find out that you look 20 years older than your pictures stated or that you weigh an extra 100 pounds than what your photos portray, you may cause a person to fly off the handle and want to get even or back at you. Don’t give reason to anyone to get angry at you. Be honest and ethical.

Trust your intuition (your gut). I can’t tell you how often I have been contacted or I have contacted someone who had one, maybe two pictures of them on a profile along with a great sounding profile. Only when the first e-mail comes back the grammar and expression feels different than the original profile, and by golly it doesn’t match the person on the picture at all. When you get these feelings, never, ever underestimate them. Clip off the communication to that person immediately. Do not say things like: “I really liked him and he obviously seems to like me so I’ll keep going until I have solid proof.” The person may look like a great looking, warm hearted and neat guy, when in fact it’s a predator looking out for gullible people. Don’t fall for it, it’s not worth it!

If your intuition is flagging you to check up on your date beforehand, consider getting a Dating Background Check.

Keep Records, Do Not Delete Conversations. Let's hope you'll never become part of internet dating scams and that your face and name will never appear on these shows. To be extra cautious, always keep copies of the e-mails of those that you communicate with. Keep a separate file of your own screen names and passwords and let a trusted friend know where you keep your communications. If you choose to IM with someone, make sure you keep a record of those communications as well.

Block Abusers. Most dating websites help prevent internet dating scams by offering a function where you can block others from ever contacting you again. Make use of this feature if you have to.

Who are Abusers:

• Those who are married and claim not to be
• Minors
• Members who send angry e-mails or IMs to you after they get rejected by you
• People who keep a profile that does not reflect who they truly are
• Criminals who have alternative agendas

Dos and Don'ts.

Meeting in Person for the First Time. The first meeting is exiting, exhilarating and can definitely give you butterflies in your stomach. Too often Internet daters think that they are already in love and thus they are already wearing their pink glasses to a first date. This dramatically increases internet dating scams. Don’t let this feeling fool you! Stay sober and remember that you haven’t met this person yet. Up until the actual first date, everything was “hear-say.”

Get a dating background check. There are many sites available that help you get an online dating background check of the person you’re about to meet for the first time. You can simply enter “dating background check” in Google and then do your own research which company you want to go with. These dating background checks cost less than $50 or a bit more if you want more information, and are worth your time and effort, your safety and your life. These dating background checks definitely reduce internet dating scams everywhere.

Please meet in public. To the worst of internet dating scams is meeting your predator in person. Always, always and always meet in a heavily populated place, a public place where you can get away if you feel like you must. Never, ever meet at your house or at a hotel room and do not agree a meeting place to be a parking lot where you then leave one car parked and continue on in one car only.

Always tell someone where you and whom you’re with.

A wise choice is to tell a friend where you’re going and whom you’re with. Give them their name, their phone number, and a print out of their profile with pictures. Tell your friends and family members what time you’ll expect to come back.

As an additional safety barrier, have your pre-designated friend call you within the first hour to check on you. If your date goes bad you can tell him/her that you need to leave, an emergency has come up.

If you want to be extra cautious and your friend is willing to help you, have him/her go show up at the same place until you can give him/her the thumbs up (or down). Of course, you don’t want your date to know that your friend is there chaperoning you.

Make sure you tell you friend or family member that you’re home safe, so they don’t have to worry about you.

Stay sober and watch your drinks. This is the part that always gets me – why must people drink alcohol on a first date? Just because he orders a heavy-duty drink doesn’t mean you have to tag along. Internet dating scams could be reduced dramatically if everyone just settled for a Ginger Ale on a first date. There is no peer pressure here and you’re not impressing anyone with how much you can drink.

On your first date, do not drink alcohol! Order a cranberry juice in a wine glass – tag along with a pretend glass of wine. But stay away from alcohol. The last thing you need is for him to take you car keys away telling you that you’re too drunk to drive home and that he’ll take you home safely…

Because of date-rape drugs it is important to watch your drink at all times. If you must use the rest room, do so after you’ve finished your drink or before the drink arrives at your table. Do not leave your drink unattended.

Always remember your cell phone. Always remember your cell phone and make sure it’s turned on and the volume is up high. And remember that part of internet dating scams is that your cell phone could be stolen and later used to find you. Keep it with you at all times. Often it is considered rude to have your cell phone ringing while on a first date. However, if you’re date is considerate then having your cell phone ring is considered a cautionary act, not rudeness. And if your date is truly understandable, then he or she is willing to reduce internet dating scams as well and will understand and even support you.

Before you go into the restaurant, bar or place where you meet your date, make sure you look at your cell phone to see if you have service or not.

Do not get a ride home. If for any reason you need to take a cab home, perhaps your car broke down or you are indeed too tipsy to drive home, make sure you’re not letting your date drive you home. Call a friend, call a taxi cab, call a family member, call a neighbor if you have to. But do not let your date drive you home.

Dangers of Online Dating, click here.

Keep your purse with you at all times. When you use the rest room or you go outside to make a cell phone call, take your purse with you. Do not give the other person a chance to peak at your purse and personal belongings, possibly looking at your driver’s license while picking up all personal information about you.

Never take a person to your home on your first date. And do not go to his/her place either. Whether you feel pressured or you feel like “he’s a really nice guy” it is just not safe to visit someone’s home on the first, or even second date.

Long Distance Meetings. The danger with long distance meetings is that the relationship has probably already taken on some comfortable feeling a nice shape. By the time you meet them in person you feel like you can truly trust them and you feel like you already know everything about them and there is no reason for distrust. That may be, but nothing could be farther from the truth when it comes to your safety. If your long distance date is truly interested in you, then s/he will also be interested in your safety and won’t have an issue with you staying at a hotel or you taking a cab to meet them for the first time.

Do not tell your date which hotel you’ll be staying at. This may be a hard one, after all, you’re flying out of town to see him, he should know. Not so, you don’t know if he knows the manager or the maid working at that hotel, who would be more than willing to give out your personal information to him (if the price is right).

When you call him from the hotel or your cell phone, remember to keep the caller ID private.

Use a taxi to get to and from the airport to meet your first date. Do not let him/her pick you up.

Remember to keep the meeting place in a public area. Do not go to his house or his sister’s house (what if he doesn’t have a sister and it’s just a cover-up).

Jewelry. Don’t wear your most expensive jewelry to your first date. If you’ve brought expensive jewelry with you at all, keep it locked up in your hotel room.

Keep Your Friends Posted. Even though you’re out of down, remember to keep your friends posted and tell someone to call you within the first hour of your date. You may want to tell your date that you have relatives, business associates or friends in that city, that you would like to visit as well. This could give you a way out if you need one.

Share it - Ask it!

If you want to share your story or ask questions about another topic, you can still enter it here and I'll post it in the right forum for you.